Weigh In: Wk 8: Loss 800grams

I thought I'd do OK and this proves it. Thankfully another loss and rock on next week.

I've come to the conclusion that weight loss is all about a lot of things but the biggest thing of all is mindset. I'm not frightened to admit that I could lose this powerful mindset of "I can do this" at any time but I'm trusting in myself and my ability to take one step at a time.

There are a lot of tools to use if your prepared to try them. Use the ones that help and throw out the rest. For what ever reason I started this journey I'm going to finish it this time. There is a slim person in here...and I'm trying hard to let her out.

So as of today, I've lost 6.2 kilos, and I now only have 23.8 kilos to go. Much better than 8 weeks ago where I had 30 kilos to go...so letting the time roll by I'm pleased to be doing this as opposed to putting more weight on.

Renewed vigour...

Well that's what I'm feeling today anyway. It's a beautiful day and I've been tracking my points religiously since yesterday. I think I'll be OK next Tuesday (weigh day).
Chicken pie tonight....

Serving 4 (my partner has 2 portions, I have 1 portion and my partner takes one portion to work for lunch the next day) and very yummy....

600 grms diced chicken breast (no skin).
Onion (sliced or diced)
Free veges (couple of cups worth)
1 jar of Chicken Tonight diet honey mustard sauce
4 sheets of filo pastry

cook diced chicken and onion, add sauce and veges. cook for around 20 minutes on simmer.

pop chicken mixture in an oven proof dish. take 4 sheets of filo, fold each sheet back onto itself spraying chefmate between each layer. pop on top of the chicken mixture.
bake on 180 degrees celcius for aroun 20 minutes or until filo is nicely browned.

each portion is 5 1/2 points.

enjoy because man is it yummy.

Weigh In: Wk 7: Loss 100grms.

Ok, in a bid not to be disappointed at least it wasn't a gain.
In the whole scheme of things it was a loss and it's all heading in the right direction.
I think I'm starting to cheat in my tracker...or at least I'm thinking that's the reason...the only other one I can think of is that I didn't shave my legs this morning which surely must account for at least a couple hundred grams...
Oh well, roll on next week and I promise to myself that I will be extra extra vigilient this week and track my points to the digit.

Food value....

Since joining WW food has taken on a whole new meaning for me. If I'm going to eat and watch what I'm eating I'm going to eat really GOOD food.

What do you do then when a meal is prepared that turns out to be a horror - not because it's terribly fattening but simply because there was too much pepper put into the cabbage during cooking, or the meat was leftovers from last night and was put together into a cottage pie type arrangement that failed and you are left looking at a plate that has 3/4 left on it not wanting to eat anymore but your still hungry but short of points.....

Sigh....well I reached for a english muffin with extra low fat phili cream cheese and low fat apricot jam. I've just reached my points allowance for the day and I feel cheated out of a main evening meal because it was bit-see.

Am I a winer - or is this a common theme amongst those of us who really value the food we put past our lips?

It's become really amazing to me how important it has become to plan, plan, plan your meals because nights when the meal fails and your left looking for something to satisfy those hunger bugs must surely make for a difficult period where you are most likely hungry and could easily reach for something naughty.

Bad days...

They can hit me out of the blue and for no reason.

I don't know - I feel as if I'm carrying around a poor me chip on my shoulder today. How ridiculous really and how pathetic to be honest.

I have just spent the morning reading the message boards on WW and instead of being inspired they have today made me feel really down. I've no idea why....oh that's poo, I do but I feel so ridiculous about the reason that I even feel bad for writing it here.

I feel down because everyone else is so funny and so alive in their messages and I feel so false even though I'm writing from my heart. I have always been my worst critic. I have always been the hardest person toward myself. I have always beaten myself up and it's not even only about my weight but about everything about myself.

I spend so much of my life looking after the feelings of others that it ends up at my own detriment and when I do stand up for myself or look out for my own feelings I get stood on by those around me.

And even re-reading this blog I'm jumping from feeling to feeling. What is wrong with me?

I used to want such a crowded life, now I hide away with myself and call myself lucky that I have a couple of close friends that fulfil certain areas in life. Having a crowded life means a risk of being hurt by others. I know I'm lucky to have close friends but this depression is not even something I want to inflict on them. No matter how close they are there is only a certain amount of shoulder leaning I feel you can do even on your closest friends. I don't know, but I've always been a listener, not a talker and I don't like to think that I'm a burden on anyone and yet there are times when I wish with everything I am that there was someone out there who would be there for me 24/7 and the weirdest thing is I have three people who would be - god, how lucky am I, and yet something stops me from asking them to lend an ear.

What I don't understand is WHY am I sad now....why?

And what on earth has this got to do with losing weight???

Wk 7: Dropping down in daily points allowance...

This week I dropped from 90.3 to 89.7 which means that my daily points allowance needed to be re-calculated.

I've gone from 21 points per day to 20.

I think this is going to be quite an adjustment especially as I've gotten into a routine where my daily points are all accounted for. To lose 1 point may not sound much but it means I have to get more inventive about including free foods into my diet.

I track everything that passes my lips. I use WW Online and love it. I guess because I'm technologically OK and spend the majority of my day sitting at a computer it's just so easy to open up a browser, log in and record.

I guess getting more inventive has it's positives. They say to stop those plateaus hitting you need to change things around anyway so maybe it's come at a good time.

Fingers crossed....

Pancakes and cream....

Where does your willpower go when you need it most?!

Last night my partner had a full tummy of worms and even though he'd eaten dinner, closely followed by strawberries and light aerosol cream, he decided at 8pm that he wanted pikelets, jam and more cream!

And me being me initially thought "I can handle that" so up I jumped and made him pikelets.

This is the area I'm working on really hard - the area where I MUST not tell myself off and at the very least pat myself on the back for the smaller miracles.

I lost my willpower to not have any and I had two - with cream! But I only had two which is what I'm patting myself on the back for. I did however walk away with my naughty voice screaming at myself "how could you", "if you put on weight this week you'll know why" and "you failed...again".

Trying to focus on the positive side of only having two is I guess my saving grace. I did win...I did stop whereas in the past I would have had an equal portion size....unbelievable.

But I'm going to be honest....I would be devastated to put on weight. That will be my true test and not derailing. God, give me strength.

Tips for Week 1 & 2

The following are really important tips. I'm not joking, they are in my books essential. It takes a VERY special and dedicated person to go-it-alone. Most of us need the companionship and committment of attending a meeting to keep us honest.

Ask yourself this question... "do you have the dedication required to take a correspondence course in some genre, study the hours as recommended, and take your exams and pass with an A". If not, then take the help offered through attending meetings and reading the following tips.

1. Track your points every day of every week!!!!

2. Stay for the meetings each week you weigh in!!!!

3. If you have never exercised, don't panic. Don't do any more than 5 minutes per day in the first week and build from there.

4. Don't like drinking water? eeeck, me neither. To get around it I chill the water, then add a slice of lemon to it, and squeeze lemon juice into the water as well. I have only started doing this now and I'm in week 7. Aaarrrr, it won't happen overnight but it will happen.

5. Believe in yourself. You can do this. The power of your mind will be the only thing to help you achieve your goal. If your worried that you mind (or willpower) will let you down, take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. I'm still worried myself but I trust in myself that even if I take a diversion that I will be strong enough not to let it derail me.

6. Minimise your risk initially. Throw out all the food that is going to cause you problems. Your partner, husband, wife, children will most likely be happy with this.

7. Research for alternatives to high fat foods. For example, if I said to you that I had French Toast with banana, a sprinkling of cinnamon and sugar and golden syrup for breakfast, a cappuccino for morning tea and an apple, a bagel with bacon, cream cheese, lettuce and tomato for lunch, a muesli bar for afternoon tea and gorgeous chicken pie with green veges for dinner AND stayed within my daily points limit of 21, would this give you the desire to find the alternatives I did to be able to eat this during my day???

8. Find inspiration from where ever you can. From a newly acquired friend at WW, or from the message boards on WW Online, or reading stories of those who have reached their goal already, from your Leader, or from your friends or family. Paste in where ever you need to for you to remember and help.

9. NEVER punish yourself EVER!!!! This is a lifetime commitment. It took years to put the weight on, it may take years to take it off. Life is always up and down and your weight may fluctuate accordingly. On those weeks when you put on, don't derail. Accept it for what it is....life... and move on.

10. Look at it this way. There are only a few certainties in life - death, taxes and time! Looking at time...it's certain to be passing us by without out help. I'd rather be passing the time loosing weight then putting it on!!! Thankfully we are still able to make our own pathways in life...and it's your choice. I know which path I choose.

Week 1 & 2

Retrospectively (as I'm on Week 7) Week 1 & 2 are always the busiest for me, and if I'm honest, the hardest. If I can get through these two weeks I know I'm on my way. They aren't hard because it's painful or hurtful or sore or awful, just hard because it's during this time that I find out how big my portion sizes were and that although in most cases I was eating really well I was just eating far too much.

For example, at this time in my life there is just myself and my partner (my daughter lives with her dad). At night when I dished up dinner, I had the same portion size as my partner (who is 6ft 2 and has the sexiest body). He has an 'on your feet, always moving through the day' type of job, has always been extremely active and typical of a man, just thinks he needs to lose a few kilos and off they drop.

Now when I dish up dinner I make a 4 serving meal, I have one portion, my partner has two portions, and the third portion is his lunch the following day. On on those nights when he is really hungry he'll eat that third portion as well.... and to think that I used to match his portion sizes!

It's also about learning to change your attitude toward food, and choosing those foods that WW deem are 'filling foods', which make you feel fuller for longer. It's about learning to drink water (eeeck, which I really dislike), and about including some form of exercise (yawning). Week 1 & 2 for me is all about setting up the future so it is a big time in my life but it needn't be stressful or hard or difficult. And this includes utilising tips and minimising risk.

This time I know what tools are there to encourage me and I'm taking advantage of each and everyone of them now.

How I'm doing it...

Weight Watchers is my chosen path.

I've managed to lose weight the three times prior to this using the Weight Watchers program and I've no doubt that it is the best course of action for me again. Twice before I lost in excess of 6 kilos, and the last time 20 kilos. I just allowed myself to put it all back on by allowing my diversion to become a derailment.

I'm using the points / satisfaction plan and my results have been wonderful... 5.3 kilo's in 6 weeks. I've got 24.7 more kilos to go and I can't wait.

At my heaviest of all time I was 100.8 kilos. This time I started my weight loss journey at exactly 95 kilos. I've made a personal goal to reach 65 kilos which is more or less half way between WW's minimum and maximum weight range for my height. I was at one point in my life (around 75 kilos) and as I remember that time vividly I know that an additional 10 kilos off that weight will have me thinking I'm fantastic and I'm sure will make me feel extremely sexy!

I'm not looking at the total amount of weight that I'm loosing - way to big a chunk. I'm looking at it in 5 kilos milestones - a much smaller achievement and they come around much more often and I get to reward myself many times over.

I can honestly say that since my first day as a member I've never eaten so well or as varied an amount of food. Using WW recipe books and online menus I've taken all the foods we really liked and chosen recipes that allowed us to have an extremely varied but robust menu, one that my family loves to eat... and our grocery bill has even dropped.

What I love about WW is that it's not a diet, but encourages sensible eating that helps you learn what your limits are, helps you control your portion sizes and sets you up for a lifetime of staying within a healthy weight range (as long as you use all the help that is available to you and I'll talk more about what help I'm using later).

Oh, and nothing is off limit's....you can eat anything...as long as you account for it.

The decision to begin...

It's really hard to think back on the pain and panic that I mentally and physically went through to get to the point where I was happy to start on this journey of mine for the very last time.

My brain was thinking silly thoughts and my body was responding with wave after wave of panic.

"What will I do if I can't have that", "How can I say no to that", "I'll be so deprived", "I'll be so hungry", "If I don't eat that now, someone else might eat it then it won't be there for me to eat anymore and that would just be awful so I'll eat it now", and the list could go on and on.

I loved food and the power it has over me is huge. If it is in the house and I know it's there it calls me. No amount of distraction helps because the moment I stop distracting myself that little voice starts up again and before you know it it's in my mouth and I'm swallowing it down.

I could never work out why it mattered to me if someone else ate it first. Let's be honest, if I really wanted one later I could just hop in the car and drive to the nearest dairy or supermarket and buy another one. When food is so available and accessible, and tomorrow was as good a day as today, why was it that I couldn't leave the food alone. Why couldn't I have one piece today and another tomorrow - why did I start with one piece and not finish until they were all gone?

For some the decision to begin comes after much struggling and they are still struggling on the day. For others something very small will trigger the moment you make the decision or a comment made by someone whether, passerby, family or friend. For some it will be a health scare and for others, you will just find yourself on the path already having taken two or three steps.

For me I spent months beating myself up, telling myself that I'd fail again, and worrying about what I'd do if I got hungry.

There are of course much deeper issues surrounding loosing weight for me, and maybe some of those same issues are your issues too. Issues such as the fear of loosing the love of those closest to you (maybe they like you fat for their own reasons), or the fear of not having those familiar and safe excuses to fall back onto in times of insecurity, or the fear of not handling the situation once you had lost the weight.

For me loosing weight is like throwing off a blanket of security I've worn my entire life. What excuse can I come up with if I don't want to do something the makes me feel unsafe, what can I do if I can't eat when I'm upset, happy, mad or just want to be bad, and one of the biggest issues is will I forever have to watch what I eat and never enjoy the wanton abandonment of eating whatever I want when out having lunch with friends or a evening meal with a family.

For me these thoughts are familiar and in their odd way reassuring but trust me when I say that as you progress down the path, those old thoughts fall away and new and exciting ones take their place. There are some things that you can't control, such as what others around you will say or do but trust in their love for you and trust in yourself and keep saying to yourself "I'll handle whatever comes my way".

Ironically for me I woke up one morning and just knew that it was time - after months of beating myself up. There was no more panic, no more worries, just a clear direction that I was doing this...and for the last time.

So, let's take a look at how I've chosen to loose weight....

Let's Begin...

My story, I'm sure, is very similar to many others. However help and inspiration come from many different areas and while my story may not do anything for some, it will (hopefully) give inspiration and comfort to others. For those of you out there who are still struggling with the temptations that are sitting in your pantry or your fridge, I'm hoping that this very candid blog will help you in some way.

I'm still a long way off my goal weight. I've 25 kilos to go, having already lost 5.3 kilos in six weeks so the first few blogs will be retrospective catching us up to the present day.

What I've come to realise now is that there are many tools at my disposal to help drive me, and to push me forward and keep me on track. And this time I'm going to use every single one of them because I'm not coming back here to do it again. Not this time. Not ever again.

It's never been smooth sailing for me. Inflicted with this disease we call obesity since my earliest memories as a youngster I've struggled and battled depression and insecurity and have spent the majority of my life missing out on things purely because in my own mind "I've always been too fat". It was a huge mental struggle to get my head into accepting that it was time to make the commitment to loosing weight this one last time, and I'll talk about the mental thought process I went through in another blog - it may even sound familiar to your own struggle.

I've tried three times before to loose weight, and always been successful to varying degrees, but have always fallen of the wagon. Now the phrase I like to use is 'oops I took a diversion', as opposed to allowing my diversion to cause a 'derailment'.

So let's begin my journey and if you would like to come along on this ride you are very welcome to do so....