Wk 10: Feelings

Wow, what a scary week this week. I can't believe how easy it would be to de-rail. I can feel all my old habits just sitting under the surface just waiting for the opportunity to shine through again. This week I want to eat. I want to pick. I want to snack.

Strangely I can still control my portion sizes. I can still tell when I'm full and stop but within 30 minutes I'm feeling the need to shovel more food into my mouth. I'm trying desperately to analyse the feelings behind the 'wanting to eat' because I figure if I can work those out I can work on stopping them but all I get is this feeling of extreme nervousness and anxiety coursing through my body and my head is saying...."eat it now because it may not be there in 10 minutes"

I will pat myself on the back though for the small things I've achieved this week.

I've increased my exercise from 20 minutes to 40 minutes, or at the least 30 minutes. I've walked 40 minutes twice this week, and 30 minutes twice this week, and before weigh day again next Tuesday, I will walk twice more.

I made mini muffin sized christmas cake on Friday. I worked out the points value, which was 1 point each serve. Whilst I've had one mini muffin per day it has been within my daily points values. In the past I would have easily just started eating them and carried on until they were finished.

I'm also finding that I'm struggling with breakfast. Not that I'm missing it but that I'm struggling with what exactly to have. I'm tired of toast, of crumpets, of french toast, of muesli, and of muffins. Crikey mate, look at that list. How on earth could I get tired - I eat such a varied range of breakfasts - and yet I am. In the mornings I walk between the fridge and the pantry trying to work out what it is that I want to eat....that to me is a recipe for disaster because in the past that has lent towards a bad decision.

I read somewhere ages ago that to break an old habit and form new ones takes about three months. That the crunch time where people generally fall down is around the three months. Things feel the toughest, the hardest and it's when they struggle the most. The body is rebelling against the new in favor of the old....because it's simpler, because it's well known, because it's familiar. Well, I'm NOT going back to the old ways because that means FAT. I will push through this - I will carry on losing weight because I want to. God help me, because I need your strength.